Chocolate Dicks for V-Day

Wow. This Valentine’s Day I think instead of eating a box of chocolates, I should be stuck with a bag of dicks.

I believe people feel too entitled these days; Sometimes it’s carry over from traditional or conservative rearing; Sometimes it’s this ridiculous trend of individuals growing increasingly more selfish; Sometimes people are just jerks.

Ultimately, if someone takes time or expends resources making a gesture for you on a manufactured holiday like Valentine’s Day, or any day for that matter, the only words out of your mouth should be these, “Thank you. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

Is that what I chose to say this week when I found out my “I-don’t-know-what-we-are” partner in crime kinda didn’t plan any form of date for this weekend… at all? Nope. He’d asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go out with him on V-Day. Naturally I said yes, but that was the last of it.

No, “Hey, make sure you’re free for an hour or two at 8 p.m.” No, “Where would you like to go?” There was a meme though. Stating he would literally be staring at a wall alone on Feb. 14.


Instead, I learn I should be expecting one or two items to be delivered to my office Friday and having drinks with a DVD marathon is scheduled for the big day. The items are being delivered because he doesn’t want anyone to know he brought them to work just for me. They’re being delivered on the day everyone knows are reserved for the sidechick. And there will be no date.

I cannot lie. My butt was bruising from the hurt.

Even after I let him know he had sort of asked to go out before and the most uncomfortable conversation two people who are dating but not dating could ever have, he made it clear he wasn’t really interested in veering from his plan to do nothing (except have sex, of course).

The whole point of this silly exercise in gift-giving is exposure. Let’s not even lie. People who want valentines want them because they are public displays of affection. They are a way to shout to the world that “This is the person I dig right now,” and that’s the bottom line.

So when this man tells me he wants to stay in and hang out all day, leave his gifts anonymously, my red, foil Valentine’s Day balloon burst.

But then, I thought about the whole scenario and realized I needed to stop blowing so much hot air. Honestly, I do recall telling him the only demand on Valentine’s Day was was to eat a brownie. He remembered and planned for that. (Win) I’ve told him plenty of times I’m easy-to-please, and I don’t require a lot of material excess to have a good time. (Win/win) He did want to have my gifts sent to my office Friday, because that is kind of the point, right? You don’t want her to be left out of the office rose-petal-feeding frenzy…

So, naturally, the next thought was: “What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with you, girl?” I’m a real bitch. Here’s a perfectly good man you really like making an effort to give you a gift on mid-February day. Nobody owes you a damn thing. Be fucking grateful.

Why do we let Valentine’s Day get under our sensitive skin so much? Why do we care so much about broadcasting the fact we are sought or desired by another human to others? Why do we take it so personally?

I mean, it’s not like he’s trying to ditch me on V-Day. He promptly rattled off a long list of activities he sort of assumed would be happening… a workout (possibly together), maybe having lunch (together), maybe a little outdoor adventure (together, with my child) followed by drinks and TV at home (trust me, I love TV marathons). He was still planning to spend his time with me that day (and night), so why in the hell was I so upset?

What right do I have to insinuate his plans, his offerings were not “good enough” for me?

That bottom line.

His actions convey the message that he doesn’t want anyone to know he associates with me. I interpreted the whole thing as a confirmation that he, in fact, doesn’t want to “shout it from the rooftops,” which would either open him up to embarrassing questions or kill any chances with future or current romantic interests. Or maybe, just maybe, there are some people who don’t want to broadcast every detail of their lives to the rest of the world and truly do want to just do what makes them happy with the people that make them happiest.

Whatever the case, I’m already going into this weekend with a chip on my shoulder. I don’t think it’s fair to be “upset” that someone didn’t do things the way you silently wanted them to, but I also don’t see what the big deal is about making a little effort to show an awesome chick that she’s worth some probing questions, a few lost phone numbers or a tiny shout from a balcony.

One thing I know for sure is that chicks who act spoiled and entitled in the fashion I did this week probably should only get one thing to eat this Valentine’s Day — a bag of dicks.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s