Plenty of herrings

We live our lives online, and some even live a Second life online. So it’s no surprise that one prominent online dating website claims one in five relationships now begin on the Internet. I first began perusing the pages of Plenty of Fish a while back as a joke; just as something a friend told me was attracting the attention of crazy, backwards “ladies.” I signed up wanting to just laugh at the silly sites, which is how I met Chris. I didn’t expect to fall in love.
That’s over now, but the emails haven’t stopped, and I’ve finally got what I came for. Once you read one or two it becomes an addiction. It’s like a feeding frenzy has started, and I’m ecstatic every time I come across a new profile that makes me say, “what? You did not put that on you profile!”
So, here are a few gems I’ve come across in past weeks that have made me say, “Seriously?”:
Infinitely regret that mustache.


Furries wanted.

Narcissistic much?

Two in one profile? Double narcissism.


Totally hot, if you’re into ventriloquist dummies.

Aaaaand an all midget Kiss cover band.

Interests for this good, Christian pot head? “living.” Sorry mom. Hopefully it will be between me and my lady, oh and the entire Internet.

This guy looks like loads of fun.

There must be a lot of beanies in this guy’s closet… And beach bag apparently.


And what’s up with the unzipped hooded sweatshirts?

Narcissism in a furry hat.

When trying to pick up chicks online, don’t post a bunch of pictures of you and your boyfriend on your profile.

or a picture of your life peaking when you met the Jamaican beer dude…

or doing this.

How to make a Prince Charming: Part Crown, part tequila, two cigarettes, and a dash of lime.

The fish isn’t even worth photographing. Narcissism?

aaah, pure, unbridled narcissism.

And when you don’t have a good photo of yourself, Dwight Schrute playing pool is a good default pic.

Interests: “tattoos, music, having a day off. Oh, yeah, and murder.”

My panties spontaneously flew off the second my eyes witnessed all this awesomeness. It’s like they’re living in a Fresh Prince video!

You’re a man seeking a woman?

When grandma is having herself immortalized by a computerized pencil sketch artist, she always wears her best polo shirt.

She’s real to the bone. she works night shift job.

Okay, technically this isn’t a dating profile pic, but it’s still supposed to be enticing. and what’s more enticing than a tribal, tramp stamp on a guy’s abdomen?

20130123-225957.jpg Answer: puka beads and a knitted-by-granny heart pillow to cover your junk.

Approximately 67 percent of your profile pics are related to a basketball team. And the primary photo is a meme. Deep.

Don’t worry; he won’t stalk you unless he really likes you.

“If something develops and it’s mutual, that would be nice if not, that’s okay” Actually, that’s considered a felony, even if the woman is obese.

in the end, who really needs online dating sites when you can just look on Craigslist for venom removal specials?


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