Plenty of herrings

We live our lives online, and some even live a Second life online. So it’s no surprise that one prominent online dating website claims one in five relationships now begin on the Internet. I first began perusing the pages of Plenty of Fish a while back as a joke; just as something a friend told me was attracting the attention of crazy, backwards “ladies.” I signed up wanting to just laugh at the silly sites, which is how I met Chris. I didn’t expect to fall in love.
That’s over now, but the emails haven’t stopped, and I’ve finally got what I came for. Once you read one or two it becomes an addiction. It’s like a feeding frenzy has started, and I’m ecstatic every time I come across a new profile that makes me say, “what? You did not put that on you profile!”
So, here are a few gems I’ve come across in past weeks that have made me say, “Seriously?”:
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Infinitely regret that mustache.

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Furries wanted.

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Narcissistic much?

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Two in one profile? Double narcissism.

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Totally hot, if you’re into ventriloquist dummies.

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Aaaaand an all midget Kiss cover band.

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Interests for this good, Christian pot head? “living.” Sorry mom. Hopefully it will be between me and my lady, oh and the entire Internet.

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This guy looks like loads of fun.

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There must be a lot of beanies in this guy’s closet… And beach bag apparently.

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And what’s up with the unzipped hooded sweatshirts?

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Narcissism in a furry hat.

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When trying to pick up chicks online, don’t post a bunch of pictures of you and your boyfriend on your profile.

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or a picture of your life peaking when you met the Jamaican beer dude…

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or doing this.

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How to make a Prince Charming: Part Crown, part tequila, two cigarettes, and a dash of lime.

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The fish isn’t even worth photographing. Narcissism?

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aaah, pure, unbridled narcissism.

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And when you don’t have a good photo of yourself, Dwight Schrute playing pool is a good default pic.

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Interests: “tattoos, music, having a day off. Oh, yeah, and murder.”

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My panties spontaneously flew off the second my eyes witnessed all this awesomeness. It’s like they’re living in a Fresh Prince video!

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You’re a man seeking a woman?

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When grandma is having herself immortalized by a computerized pencil sketch artist, she always wears her best polo shirt.

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She’s real to the bone. she works night shift job.

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Okay, technically this isn’t a dating profile pic, but it’s still supposed to be enticing. and what’s more enticing than a tribal, tramp stamp on a guy’s abdomen?

20130123-225957.jpg Answer: puka beads and a knitted-by-granny heart pillow to cover your junk.

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Approximately 67 percent of your profile pics are related to a basketball team. And the primary photo is a meme. Deep.

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Don’t worry; he won’t stalk you unless he really likes you.

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“If something develops and it’s mutual, that would be nice if not, that’s okay” Actually, that’s considered a felony, even if the woman is obese.

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in the end, who really needs online dating sites when you can just look on Craigslist for venom removal specials?

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