Status quo, GO!

Fruit ripens when conditions are right, not when we’re hungry for a bite.

So it was brought to my attention recently that in the midst of my soul searching re: my feelings about a friend I’ve been spending time with, that I should ask him how he feels about me.

Well duh. That would be something normal people do.

I was a bit ashamed of the fact that I’d been spending so much free time with this man and essentially laying down all the “rules.”

I didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend, I told him. But I liked him a lot and wanted to continue spending time together. Of course we were free to see others and whatnot, but I wasn’t ready to jump to another man immediately after another crushed me.

Ive recently realized that im not super comfortable with the idea of him seeing other people. I haven’t been seeing anyone else, but I never really thought about how I would react if he said “I can’t hang out with you tonight, I have a date.”

When you get to that point, you have to start reevaluating what it is the two of you are doing…what you hope to achieve from the input of time and money and effort.

In my case, as I stated before, I just want someone to want to be with me and understand my baby has to come first. It’s been difficult to say the least to find any men in this town who don’t view a child as an added burden rather than a blessing.

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Well, I was ready to ask my object of affection on a date this weekend, but Mr. Frost beat me to the punch. “we have somewhere to be at 8 saturday, so ask your mom if she can watch blondie.”

I was excited about the date, and the fact I had no idea where we were going. The evening was a successful string of spontaneous destinations, a Christmas choir (see precious entry), dinner, ice cream, beers and a little TV. A perfectly wonderful evening. I really had a good time.

So I was really confused about what I wanted to do. It was time to at least ask him, and I was surprised by his answer.

I knew he’d been alone a long time, and when we went our separate ways before, he seemed very hurt by the situation. One I still regret.
He said he was kind of in the same boat as me…floating down the river of “I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship” nut enjoyed having me in the boat next to him. In his mind, any realistic role of a girlfriend was already filled by me, and honestly it would be fair to say that of him. I don’t talk to anyone else and spend most of my free time with him.
I was a little disappointed, though. I think I kind of wanted to hear that he wanted me for himself. But then i thought what was so “wrong” with just enjoying this boat ride? I like him. He likes me. We get along and have fun. Why does anything need to be changed? Wouldn’t we still be happy like this?

And why was I in such a rush to move things along? It’s been three months! Most people can’t decide what they want for Christmas in three months, let alone decide how they feel about possibly dating someone.
Am I that much of an emotional whore I want to just rush right in? As Elvis said, only fools do that.

So I suppose status quo, it is. But I’m not unhappy about that. Fruit ripens when conditions are right, not when we’re hungry for a bite.

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