I think it becomes natural to want them to be yours. Only yours.
I’ve been wondering about this somewhat wonderful young man the last week who evokes a sense of wonder in my son’s eye and does wonderfully wonderful things for me. Wondering whether it would be better for us to keep things the way they are, meaning no official commitment, considering I was just crushed by a weak man who was too spineless to tell me the truth about his feelings.
I like this guy a lot. I have from the first day he walked up my driveway from the laundromat. He’s kind. He’s interesting, and we have similar views about life. But I have been trying to stop myself from liking him.
Nobody’s girlfriend. That was the goal.
I’ve been avoiding the potential happiness he could give due to the real potential of yet another shattered heart. Plus I wanted to spend more time with my son.
But I was thinking today… It’s going on the third month I’ve known the guy and been hanging out with him. If I’m not tired of him yet, I think I like him more than what I want to admit. Not that I don’t want to like the guy, I just made a promise I wouldn’t date anyone. But when you want to spend each minute of your free time with a person possible, I think it becomes natural to want them to be yours. Only yours.
I haven’t talked with anyone else since I met him. I haven’t dated anyone. All I want to do is spend my time with him! Why am I fighting this so hard? Just because I said I would? Or am I really that scared?
Well a certain non-boyfriend of mine has invited me to accompany him on a secret date (if it must be labeled as such) tomorrow, and I couldn’t help but smile.
Not only because it’s a date, but because I love secrets (except the “oh I reconciled with my ex-wife and didn’t tell you” secrets).
I haven’t quite decided whether I’m ready to say, “make me your one and only” (and it would be horribly conceited to assume he would just say yes), but I am ready to say fuck it. I like you a whole lot, and I hope you feel the same. Forget all this faux soul-searching: If you like ’em, you like ’em. And I like this one a lot.Advertisements