To be or not to be…

I think it becomes natural to want them to be yours. Only yours.

I’ve been wondering about this somewhat wonderful young man the last week who evokes a sense of wonder in my son’s eye and does wonderfully wonderful things for me. Wondering whether it would be better for us to keep things the way they are, meaning no official commitment, considering I was just crushed by a weak man who was too spineless to tell me the truth about his feelings.
I like this guy a lot. I have from the first day he walked up my driveway from the laundromat. He’s kind. He’s interesting, and we have similar views about life. But I have been trying to stop myself from liking him.
Nobody’s girlfriend. That was the goal.
I’ve been avoiding the potential happiness he could give due to the real potential of yet another shattered heart. Plus I wanted to spend more time with my son.
But I was thinking today… It’s going on the third month I’ve known the guy and been hanging out with him. If I’m not tired of him yet, I think I like him more than what I want to admit. Not that I don’t want to like the guy, I just made a promise I wouldn’t date anyone. But when you want to spend each minute of your free time with a person possible, I think it becomes natural to want them to be yours. Only yours.
I haven’t talked with anyone else since I met him. I haven’t dated anyone. All I want to do is spend my time with him! Why am I fighting this so hard? Just because I said I would? Or am I really that scared?
Well a certain non-boyfriend of mine has invited me to accompany him on a secret date (if it must be labeled as such) tomorrow, and I couldn’t help but smile.

Not only because it’s a date, but because I love secrets (except the “oh I reconciled with my ex-wife and didn’t tell you” secrets).
I haven’t quite decided whether I’m ready to say, “make me your one and only” (and it would be horribly conceited to assume he would just say yes), but I am ready to say fuck it. I like you a whole lot, and I hope you feel the same. Forget all this faux soul-searching: If you like ’em, you like ’em. And I like this one a lot.


5 thoughts on “To be or not to be…

  1. But how do you think he feels about you? An interested guy usually expresses that (through words and actions) by the time a few months pass. And a straight-forward would just outright tell you what he wants out of this situation. You could also ask. If he makes you happy and you both want the same thing, go for it

  2. When I told him I was reconciling with my deploying soldier after we had been hanging out a while, he was hurt. Sent me messages for weeks saying that he knew it was inappropriate to say so, but he missed having me around and that I had no idea how serious it was that it was me. He hangs out with my kid, who comes first, and does what we are doing together; Helped me put up my Christmas tree; Shops with me at the store and helps me with my son. I think he might be in it to win it. And he did say when I was ready to have a boyfriend, or be a girlfriend, just to say so. I’m just astounded I’m feeling what I’m feeling because I thought I was broken beyond repair. And it’s not a rebound. I’ve done that plenty of times. I bet if I asked, I’d be able to change my facebook status asap. Thank you for your interest

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