Velvet skin…

I cant help but feel like Taylor Swift… maybe I’M the problem.

In the last month or so, I’ve had the man I loved delete me from his life and block me from Facebook. My ex husband, at the wishes of his new plaything did the same as she did. My cousin got mad at me and did the same. My child’s father’s last words to me were to be enveloped in the gaping maw of his silence forever.
I cant help but feel like Taylor Swift… maybe I’M the problem. people don’t cut you out for nothing right?
Then, I had one of those folks come back and say that after all the years, I was the most honest, beautiful and desirable woman they’d ever met. They regretted everything that happened and wished they’d known what they had.
I have to admit, I felt redemption.
Then something new happened…
I have decided not to date. I just don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend right now. I’ve been hanging out with a guy. he’s a great friend. I told him how the soldier crushed me, and he understood. When it was over he was there. Not just to take advantage, but to honestly just be there. To listen to me. To hang out and do boring things with me– he seriously helped assemble my Christmas tree just so we could hang out. He lets me sleep on him, his beautifully smooth skin, and never pressures me for sex.
I just realized this weekend, this guy might actually be worth his salt. While I’m still not wanting to be anybody’s girlfriend, which I don’t think is fair to him, it’s so refreshing to believe again. I kinda wanna go on a date with the dude, and I think I will.


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