Still?

while it felt kind of good to be free as I walked the streets of a party town, knowing i could do what or whomever I wanted, all I wanted was to be someone’s other half.

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Key West made me love my son more, but not hate him any less. I’m so angry. One minute he’s talking about making a baby with me and moving in together, then in just days he’s back with his ex.
The one he told me once would never do the things for him that I did. I want him to explain what happened. It won’t change anything, but I was preparing to go through a deployment with him. To stay by his side thousands of miles away, and she just says “I want you back” and I’m history? That’s not fair, and he knows it. Sometimes I think if I cried more or if I needed him more he would’ve loved me more. And while I want you to be happy, I hope you realize what a mistake you’ve made. He lied to me. Then just shrugged his shoulders and said “sorry”
I’ve been trying to just let it go because someone who would treat me this way obviously didn’t love me. You haven’t checked to see how I was doing once, and have actually taken extra measures to ensure I cannot check to see if you’re okay either. Even if it’s after you’re in country, please take the time to explain yourself. I know I keep bouncing back and forth, but I mean it this time, god dammit. I let you get away with it once. Not again. And I take it this means I’m not allowed to be your friend at all anymore? Or was I ever anything more than a hookup who tells jokes? You said I was your everything, so I’m really confused, and hurt and angry, and it’s not going away. I said I wanted to support you through your deployment, maybe with just birthday cards and letters (glad I didn’t go ahead and take those boudoir photos for you lol) but I guess that’s not allowed?

I don’t know if he will respond to my request, likely not. And while it felt kind of good to be free as I walked the streets of a party town, knowing i could do what or whomever I wanted, all I wanted was to be someone’s other half. I really believed he was that other half. Now I’m just bitter that the woman who threw him away once ripped the rug out from under my heart and took away what I believed was my happy ending,
Whats worse is I hope they aren’t ever happy again, which is usually not my style. I just don’t know who I want to hurt who…him or her. I’m so angry right now I wouldn’t care.
On a more positive note, I met a guy wearing a bikini on Duval street tonight and saw an amazing bagpipe tribute to a fallen veteran who was a regular at a key west bar. And one of the A v. P movies is on.

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