Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again…

I am a person in this relationship as well, but I’m not the one going to war.

He’s been visibly and noticeably pulling from me. And now I get the messages about how he has a lot on his mind, naturally, and just needs some time alone to think things over. I’m leaving for a week of vacation Sunday. How am I possibly going to spend time with my family and not worry, worry, worry worry about what is going on with him. This is almost a carbon copy of what we went through before the previous breakup.

I’m so concerned. It’s eating me alive. I want to be there for him. I want to offer him support. I want to talk about whatever is rolling around in his head, but he doesn’t want to. I will not push him to. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep telling myself it’s okay to put my fears and doubts and, honestly my devastation that he’s even having doubts about us, on the back burner. I am a person in this relationship as well, but I’m not the one going to war.

I can handle whatever he has to say, other than “I don’t love you and can’t be with you.”

If it’s my own level of commitment in doubt, I need to make it clear I’m as loyal as a junkyard dog. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want anyone but him.

Not only do I want to wait for him as a significant other, I would be honored to. It would be my pleasure and a privilege.

If he’s worried I won’t be able to handle long periods of not communicating, then let’s take some time to practice. I’m willing to endure training while he’s training. Whatever gets us to a good spot.

What’s worse, is if he breaks my heart again, I don’t know I would be willing to come back for a third helping of misery. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum. I don’t want to stress him out. But I’m starting to feel, quite simply, used… again. And if someone makes you feel that way, how long do you wait before telling them you can’t endure it anymore?

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