Time is not on our side

I drove him back to his company’s training site today, and while it was a miserable drive to make early in the morning (and I’m reeeeaaaly not a morning person), I was glad to have a few hours with him.
Those few hours were pretty easy. I think chris was nervous and apprehensive about coming back after being with his family, so I tried to keep things light and enjoyable. All I could think about was how much I wanted to just crawl back under the covers and take him with me.
The miles and minutes disintegrated faster and faster as the sun climbed above the horizon…the pressure to say something meaningful crushing my ribs.
I just don’t think I’m supposed to say the final goodbye yet. One more chance in December. But I don’t want to depend too much on a second chance…I think they could go at any moment after training.
I found out today a previously scheduled family vacation is going to prevent me from attending chris’ family day event. I can’t lie; I’m sort of heartbroken. He has no transportation of his own and is going to have to stay in a hotel while his friends go back home until Sunday. Then he won’t have anyone there for family day.
On the way home a wave of regret preceded a shower of tears. Why didn’t I plan better for the short time chris was here? Why didn’t I take a million pictures of us together? Even if they were being silly… We played around with his new computer last night and I realized chris will need reminders of how happy he makes me (it’s pretty obvious from my face in the pictures). Why didn’t I let him hear my voice telling him how much I love him? Really and truly how much…and how much, even of we do get to see each other in December, I’m going to miss him.
I’m not a religious person, but I found myself wishing and begging some unknown entity to please have another chance before d-day. Just one more day… Please.


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